Descent into wordlessness
Reading my last post and The List again, something struck me. One of my favourite things about sex is the utter obliterating oblivion of it - being swept along into a state where I am no longer verbal, where my senses are partially or sometimes completely obscured by sex. When I think about sex and fantasise about sex, this is what I'm yearning for.
The funny thing? It's only really happened with two people, half of the lovers who really did something for me sexually. So why I should associate oblivious delirium so strongly with sex, I don't know. I always maintain that truly great sex is a perfect exchange of energy (which can, in theory, make a handshake sex), after all. I get some of that oblivion from yoga when my body finds perfect repose and balance in some crazy pose that I was struggling to perfect or maintain - when my body stops fighting itself, my mind takes off on a ridiculous high. Maybe that's energy balance within the body. Maybe it's all the same thing.
The one who hurt me so badly, he was really very good in bed. I loved his cock; it was beautiful, stout and well-proportioned. He would literally go down on me for hours on end. It almost became like a game for me; I'd think I'd come as much as I could, and then ask him to tease another orgasm out of me, just to see if it would happen. It always did. But I would be lying there with complete lucidity; I'd be able to speak, I'd be able to see, everything would be clear and ordinary; I never got into that space. Is that subspace? Was it the gentle domination, or the pheromones that caused May and he-who-it-doesn't-feel-like-fucking-with to induce this in me? Mind you, it didn't always happen with May, just on a few memorable occasions, during one of which I hallucinated.
I don't like my sex to be calm. I don't like being in control. I don't want to lie there and think "I wish he'd stimulate my g-spot a little more forcefully" or "I love it when he licks my ass, thumbs my clitoris and has two fingers hooked in my pussy". I want to hear my own screaming from a distance, feel utterly helpless, and for every little motion to be a surprise universe of newness exploding under my skin, even when it's old and warm and familiar. I want to give myself over completely and be surprised to the point of detachment (or is it detachment to the point of surprise?) when I have an orgasm. Even when I'm giving a surprise blowjob and it's the morning and we should have run out of the house ten minutes ago and nothing's going near my genitalia.
The funny thing? It's only really happened with two people, half of the lovers who really did something for me sexually. So why I should associate oblivious delirium so strongly with sex, I don't know. I always maintain that truly great sex is a perfect exchange of energy (which can, in theory, make a handshake sex), after all. I get some of that oblivion from yoga when my body finds perfect repose and balance in some crazy pose that I was struggling to perfect or maintain - when my body stops fighting itself, my mind takes off on a ridiculous high. Maybe that's energy balance within the body. Maybe it's all the same thing.
The one who hurt me so badly, he was really very good in bed. I loved his cock; it was beautiful, stout and well-proportioned. He would literally go down on me for hours on end. It almost became like a game for me; I'd think I'd come as much as I could, and then ask him to tease another orgasm out of me, just to see if it would happen. It always did. But I would be lying there with complete lucidity; I'd be able to speak, I'd be able to see, everything would be clear and ordinary; I never got into that space. Is that subspace? Was it the gentle domination, or the pheromones that caused May and he-who-it-doesn't-feel-like-fucking-with to induce this in me? Mind you, it didn't always happen with May, just on a few memorable occasions, during one of which I hallucinated.
I don't like my sex to be calm. I don't like being in control. I don't want to lie there and think "I wish he'd stimulate my g-spot a little more forcefully" or "I love it when he licks my ass, thumbs my clitoris and has two fingers hooked in my pussy". I want to hear my own screaming from a distance, feel utterly helpless, and for every little motion to be a surprise universe of newness exploding under my skin, even when it's old and warm and familiar. I want to give myself over completely and be surprised to the point of detachment (or is it detachment to the point of surprise?) when I have an orgasm. Even when I'm giving a surprise blowjob and it's the morning and we should have run out of the house ten minutes ago and nothing's going near my genitalia.
posted by daphnis at 5:39 AM
1 Comments:
I am so with you on this - that delerium that for me most often happens either in full-on submission or in that half-awake-half-dream sex in the middle of the night - that is what I'm looking for all the time.
I remember once being in a grass parking lot outside a festival in Florida, running and making out and running and making out and rolling on the ground as it began to rain warm Florida rain...it must have been 15 years ago, maybe more, but it's still one of the all-time delirium highs.
Thanks for the add :) Back at you!
Mandy
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