Rebound Sex 101

I popped over to Dilemmas Of A Virgin Slut to do a bit of light reading, and was inspired to comment on her post on rebound sex. Let's face it, rebound sex is something almost all of us end up dealing with one way or another. My dilemma was that I soon found myself writing far more than befits a comment, because VS was asking all the right questions! So here are her questions and my humble offerings.

• "Should I indulge in some rebound sex?"
  

If you're stepping out of one of those intense monogamous things - well, it was intense, and sometimes diving into bed with a new person can just make you miss the old one more. At the same time, it's a good way of creating new memories to take up space in your brain so that the old ones don't jump about, bothering you all the time. So I say yes, with two caveats: One, make sure it's good sex. Have it with an old fuck buddy that you know you have a sexual rapport with and who you know is going to be kind to you and still speak to you afterwards - or with someone who attracts you insanely, who you're not sure you're going to see again. Two, only do when you're over him/ her to the point that they don't inhabit all of your sexual fantasies. If the fantasising thing doesn't apply to you, well and good. I'm an International Woman of Mystery by profession and I still get floored by the way a current love-object insinuates their way into my fantasies!

• "Does sleeping with one person in order to get over another really work in the short run?"
  

It can, if you loosely adhere to the above guidelines. Sometimes we need to be reminded that he/ she/ it is NOT the only person who can satisfy and / or please us sexually.

• "Is it the sort of experience that one would regret later?"

Alas, rebound sex continues to be a great source of regret for many people. Mainly because they do not read this blog, and do not follow my guidelines. Oh, alright, it's because we're full of hormones and emotions and we want to be rescued and treated to a nice chunk of oblivion and dammit, breaking up SUCKS. Also, alcohol makes a lot of people seem more attractive and suitable ("I just know he's right for this. He held my hair back while I was throwing up and then bought me another tequila! He's awesome!"), while making us think we're hornier than we are ("Oh god I HAVE to fuck something right now" - when lying down would very possibly start a chain reaction resulting in sleep).

• "Being the polite girl that I am, should I inform the person that he is the chosen reboundee, and what are the rules of rebounder etiquette?"

Rebounder etiquette is a tricky one. Frequently, good friends are victims of it. Picture this: That guy/girl you've been besotted with for months has come to your house and is sobbing your whiskey / tea / milk about that awful creature who betrayed and left him. You give him a hug. The hug turns into slippery, sweaty, intense, emotional sex. You know perfectly well he's rebounded on you but you can't help but hope things will be different. In all likelihood, he'll run very far away. So yes, with someone you know or like, it is very important to make the rebound situation clear to avoid unnecessary distress. If you don't know your reboundee very well, it's probably enough to make it clear that things are just fun and flirty and a distraction. You always have the option to express a more serious interest in the future.

• "Does being a reboundee (i.e. being used for s.e.x/being nothin' but a mere cock) appeal to most men?"

Well, I am not most men. Come to think of it, last time I looked, I wasn't a man at all. So I can't speak for most men. However, I don't think most men could speak for most other men, if they were put to the task. I think we'd have to conduct a thorough survey on this question to get anything near an accurate answer. I know a surprising amount of sensitive men who seem to view sex as a very emotional and intimate thing, contrary to the laddish image we're daily presented with by the media and... oh yes, most men. At the same time, a lot of these sensitive guys would be very sympathetic to your situation, and no doubt be very willing to lend a helping cock.

What Rebound Sex does not do:

• actually get you over your previous lover
• obliterate memories of your previous lover
• make you more ready to move on

It is merely a distraction.